Being Lara Bingle and The Shire

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My friend dared me to watch an episode each of Being Lara Bingle and The Shire and to review them in this blog, and I took up his challenge. It seems fair, because how can I diss these two shows when I haven’t actually watched them? Well now I have, but keep in mind that this blog is more of a “first impression”, rather than a review, because I can’t really review a show after watching one episode. Though I suppose I can still give a rating to the episodes I watched.

Reportedly, Network Ten’s ratings and profits have gone down lately. I guess it’s no surprise as the only high rating show I can think of still showing on Channel Ten is Masterchef, which is going through the motions. Desperate times, call for desperate measures, which must be why the network adds a few easy reality shows to its schedule. The Seven Network has much more reality shows than the Nine Network or Ten, but at least it didn’t produce The Shire.

I hope Being Lara Bingle wins the “No Reason to Exist” award at the Logies, though the Logies would probably win that prize too. I don’t really have to explain what the show is about because the title gives it away. On catch-up TV online I watched the first episode and found it beyond pointless. The exception to this was the scene when her car was pulled over by the cops because she was driving in the bus lane. Her licence – that she forgot at home – got suspended again. All this occurred with a few paparazzi filming and taking photos at the scene. Pretty funny stuff, but that was the only good thing that episode. The rest was just Lara explaining her life to the Australian public, which will probably make her more famous and increase the paparazzi following even more. Apparently this show was “written” by Lara, as it states on the Wikipedia article, but explain to me how a reality show is written…unless everything that happened in the episode was set-up! But that’s me thinking too much about a show I’m not going to watch ever again anyway. If you’re the kind of person who reads celebrity magazines, you might give a damn about Being Lara Bingle. Then again, Lara getting done by the police with the paparazzi watching was rather entertaining; I’ll give it that. I rate episode one 2/5.

Ten’s desperation has led them to find a bunch of good looking people with relatively low IQs and ask them if they don’t mind having cameras watching as they do either stupid or boring things. The Shire is what became of this grand, ambitious vision. The Shire is set in the Sunderland Shire (or The Shire for short, as you probably guessed) in New South Wales. Coincidentally, though by all means not a shocking revelation at all, Lara Bingle also hails from The Shire. This place doesn’t have the greatest reputation in the state, so it’s no surprise Channel Ten chose it for their TV show and even less surprising that the real people living in the area don’t think very highly of the show. Well I think they have a point, as the people on this show don’t seem to represent Australia well, but they do represent “STRAYA”.

The Shire is billed by Ten as a “dramality”, which is quite an awkward looking word, obviously putting together “drama” and “reality”. So yes, it’s a reality show, but there’s drama! Although I think dramality means that the reality is that The Shire is dramatically horrible TV. Two of the morons the show follows are two chicks who may be true best friends, but have fake bodies. They have fake lips, fake boobs and fake tans. One of them stated they wanted their lips bigger, but her doctor said her current lips almost touch the bottom of her nose.  What a damn shame. Nothing much happens to them in this episode, except discussing whether they’d rather have a good looking kid or a smart one…and then they get botox. I hope these two realise that a lot of people are disgusted by plastic, fake and manufactured girls walking the streets. They go overboard. Another “character” is Beckaa, the only name I remember because it looks and sounds icky. In this episode, she returns from Dubai and hops in a limo with her father and she reveals how she got a nose job and spent $15,000 like she always does. Her dad doesn’t mind too much. Wow, I’ve never seen someone so spoilt. She looks fake too, when will these dumb chicks learn? Last storyline involves some jock and his ex-girlfriend who wants him back. Upcoming episodes are going to introduce new characters, I MEAN new real people, but I’m not going to watch anymore. There is a rock chick apparently in upcoming episodes whose band appears to be on the verge of success. That’s actually something I would be interested to watch but I don’t want to put up with the rest of the high school level banter from the other cast members .I know some people are interested in these sorts of things presented in these shows, but it makes me want to smash the remote through the TV and hopefully lower the ratings during the process.

Can Channel Ten arrange to rename The Shire as “The Shite”? That might be insulting to the people from The Shire, but it really is how I feel about this stupid show. I’ve heard comparisons to The Hills, Jersey Shore and Geordie Shore, shows I’ve never seen, but I have also heard that those shows are entertaining while The Shite is not. Despite this, maybe there’s a chance you’ll enjoy The Shite if you like those shows. Most likely you’ve seen the ads on television; The Shite is exactly what is presented in the ads. Did you like what you saw in the ads? Well give The Shite a try, though I rather you didn’t because I think it’s the scum of the idiot box. I give the premiere of The Shite, 1/5.

I wondered why Lara Bingle was considered important enough to have her own show when I heard about it. Little did I know that Channel Ten was planning a bigger monstrosity that I like to call The Shite. Even if you think you’d enjoy them, please don’t watch either of these shows. At least Masterchef had a beneficial effect on society. Channel Ten thought that these shows were a good idea, I think they are crap. Don’t watch them! Even if you think you’d like them, don’t watch them! Do something useful with your time, like writing a reality show about residents from Dandenong and naming it That’s Dandy!

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